Sunday, September 14, 2014

My Cup Runneth Over ... And I Am Drowning

I am a fortunate woman. My immediate family is in good health and I have an amazing brother, true friends, great neighbors, meaningful Jewish life, lovely home, steady work and adventures galore. Yes my cup runneth way over. However, I feel like I am drowning right now.

My list of things to do and responsibilities to address has me simply overwhelmed. I have never been good at saying No to work opportunities, to requests for help and to new experiences. I also believe my roles as a mother, wife, granddaughter, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor, citizen, learner and worker should be approached with a proactive mindset and attention.  My greatest priority is being mother and this new school year has required a high level of parenting energy.

I could create a giant list of all the things going on but suffice it to say there is more than I can handle alone right now. And my body is screaming at me. Over the past few months I have developed episodic migraines (EMs) which I have self-diagnosed. I can now tell when they are starting. In the early morning hours while it is still dark, I can feel the severe pain expanding in my brain. I know that within two to three hours I will be vomiting bile. I take over the counter medication and sleep it off in a dark room. As soon as the pain starts subsiding then I eat and drink a small amount. The residual headache will stay will me all day but I am usually starting to function by late morning. These EMs are stressed induced. This Sunday morning followed this pattern. Yesterday was not a great day.

I am fond the the expression "we cannot boil the ocean." My line of work requires me to address problems in manageable pieces. I am trying to take the same approach at home. So we will take day at time. Task at a time. And all things may not be done perfectly and I will need to process that fact. This is extremely hard for me to do.

I have committed to myself and family to saying No and not scheduling any new events until our house is put back together. I did say No yesterday to a dinner outing. This is also super hard for me to do. Crazy, I know.

My demeanor is not my optimal self. It is a surreal experience watching my roller coaster emotions. I apologize to my family and ask for understanding. I think it is a good thing that Tashlich and Yom Kippur are approaching. I will need these Jewish High Holidays to climb out of this hole.

So there you have it. And this too will pass ... please soon ... pretty please ...


  1. Oh, my friend, hope and love are being sent your way.

  2. I hope things are getting better and you are enjoying the holidays. I've also been really busy with the beginning of this school year and taking my roles very seriously. I need to chill out a little bit.