I am a fortunate woman. My immediate family is in good health and I have an amazing brother, true friends, great neighbors, meaningful Jewish life, lovely home, steady work and adventures galore. Yes my cup runneth way over. However, I feel like I am drowning right now.
My list of things to do and responsibilities to address has me simply overwhelmed. I have never been good at saying No to work opportunities, to requests for help and to new experiences. I also believe my roles as a mother, wife, granddaughter, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor, citizen, learner and worker should be approached with a proactive mindset and attention. My greatest priority is being mother and this new school year has required a high level of parenting energy.
I could create a giant list of all the things going on but suffice it to say there is more than I can handle alone right now. And my body is screaming at me. Over the past few months I have developed episodic migraines (EMs) which I have self-diagnosed. I can now tell when they are starting. In the early morning hours while it is still dark, I can feel the severe pain expanding in my brain. I know that within two to three hours I will be vomiting bile. I take over the counter medication and sleep it off in a dark room. As soon as the pain starts subsiding then I eat and drink a small amount. The residual headache will stay will me all day but I am usually starting to function by late morning. These EMs are stressed induced. This Sunday morning followed this pattern. Yesterday was not a great day.
I am fond the the expression "we cannot boil the ocean." My line of work requires me to address problems in manageable pieces. I am trying to take the same approach at home. So we will take day at time. Task at a time. And all things may not be done perfectly and I will need to process that fact. This is extremely hard for me to do.
I have committed to myself and family to saying No and not scheduling any new events until our house is put back together. I did say No yesterday to a dinner outing. This is also super hard for me to do. Crazy, I know.
My demeanor is not my optimal self. It is a surreal experience watching my roller coaster emotions. I apologize to my family and ask for understanding. I think it is a good thing that Tashlich and Yom Kippur are approaching. I will need these Jewish High Holidays to climb out of this hole.
So there you have it. And this too will pass ... please soon ... pretty please ...