Wednesday, April 29, 2015

My Feminist Soapbox

Here is what I wish:
  • Women would refuse to work at the breastaurants.
  • Men would refuse to spend money at breastaurants.
If either of these things occurred then breastaurants would go out of business.

Instead I just read this discouraging sentence and the article that goes with it is just as depressing:

"By channeling the lust and gluttony of its patrons, these restaurants have delivered blockbuster growth in an industry that has struggled to move the sales needle."

Many will feel I should lighten up. However, I am not going to come off this soapbox. There is nothing positive that comes out of breastuarants. 
  • Women are oversexualized and the focus on body image is unhealthy. This has a negative ripple effect (an understatement.)
  • My teenage sons are exposed to a paradigm that creates unrealistic and undesirable attitudes towards women. 
  • The large amounts of money being spent on these establishments are taking profits away from restaurants that provide quality dining experiences in which friends and family can share a wonderful meal. Sharing a meal is more than just sustenance, it is a precious moment in which people connect.
Just my opinion.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

The Mirror

I have never written poetry. I do not know the rules or the format or the syntax. Forgive me.

I see you
Face so fair
Body growing strong

I listen to you
The words are confident
Some of them a smoke screen
Covering a softness undetectable to most

I hear you
Sounds meant to strike
A false front is there
But only a few can detect the pain

I feel the sturdy exterior
Anger wells up too frequently
It seeks a target with uncanny precision
But it is acrimony young and misplaced

Grit is innate
Along with tenacity
No obstacle exists in the idyllic universe
All desires are achievable

Sensitivities are concealed
The extrovert always in front
Popular and amazing you are
Intellect and cunning together

The swings are epic
The capacity to love and be loved enormous
Fierce instincts to protect thyself lie in wait
It can feel like an abyss

Prodigiousness is not subtle
It comes at a wonderful price
Perhaps it is a privilege to share the space
With such a soul

I see you
The mirror is there always
I know you all too well

Monday, April 13, 2015

Swirling This Way and That

Oldest Son at the DMV ... the one in the grey baseball sweatshirt and white socks ... just moments from a life changing moment: the legal right to get behind the wheel of a car.
We are walking beside our teenage boys while standing back at the exact same time. How is this even possible?

The last few weeks seem to be an avalanche of teen life.
  • Oldest Son turned 15 and Youngest Son turned 13
  • Oldest Son showed his kid side by having a rollicking bubble soccer birthday celebration
  • Youngest Son showed his grown up side by choosing a girl/boy fondue birthday dinner party
  • Oldest Son got his Driving Learners Permit by barely passing the test
  • Youngest Son's Bar Mitzvah for early June (2015!)was changed from Israel to Lake Tahoe
  • Oldest Son made choices for sophomore year that make us both proud and anxious for him 
  • Youngest Son has presented us with interactions forcing us to rethink our parenting paradigm; he will ensure we become our best parenting selves for sure
  • Oldest Son has faced some tough decisions and responsibilities square on showing a maturing young man
  • Youngest Son is working with an organizational tutor (other than his mom - go figure) to help him make sense of deadlines, papers, projects gearing up in Middle School
  • Oldest Son is playing baseball
  • Youngest Son is playing select soccer AND lacrosse with the craziness of rescheduled rain outs
  • Oldest Son's mid-trimester comments made us smile because teachers are seeing his intellectual, direct self while also picking up on his humor 
  • Youngest Son is acting in an Upper School play with a lesbian theme (go diversity!)
  • Both boys tried out for the Maccabi Games (think Jewish Junior Olympics); Oldest Son will play 16U baseball and Noah will play 14U soccer 
  • Both boys started with a new Spanish tutor and there seems to be mutual admiration between students and teacher (the boys have worked with an amazing tutor since our return from Mexico to maintain their fluency)
Commuter Husband and I have been recalibrating how we manage all the above and the heightened emotional noise in our life from both the normal teen issues and the new challenges that are real and all around. For example, I attended a disturbing yet enlightening school meeting about teenage addictions to drugs and alcohol. I am still processing that whole topic. At the other end of the spectrum are conversations about colleges and SATs. Fill in the middle with all the other teen topics.

And we have hit a place where being a Commuter Family in two cities is an extra layer of hard.

So I am reading "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy! Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind" by Michael J. Bradley. Books help me. Books are my friends. This Book is changing my parenting approach. It is tough but I am determined. 

This resonated from the Book:
" ... try to become comfortable with a new and uncomfortable parenting concept: Your goal is not to create perfect adolescent behavior. This is not possible, anyway. Your goal is to build unprecedented parenting skills so you can respond with discipline, strength, and love to your kid's imperfect behaviors in order to inoculate him against the greater insanities awaiting him in the world."

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Adventure Rabbi: Post #1

Youngest Son's study materials
I have added a new label to my blog: Adventure Rabbi

Commuter Family was planning a return trip to Israel for Noah's Bar Mitzvah. However, we have changed directions. I sent this out via email today:


Hi All,
We have had an exciting change of plans for Youngest Son's Bar Mitzvah. We have decided not to go to Israel in June this year - we are disappointed but anticipate going at a future time.

We will be celebrating Youngest Son's Bar Mitzvah on June 11th on a mountain in South Lake Tahoe, CA! 
Pretty sure it will include a hike too :)

Rabbi Evon who lives in South Lake Tahoe will be helping Noah and conducting the service. We are excited that Youngest Son's Temple Emanu-El Tutor will continue assisting Youngest Son with his Hebrew studies. If you are curious about Adventure Rabbi – more info here:

We know all of you will be with us in spirit and love. However, if any of you want to be there or will be hanging out in California around June 11th then you are welcome to join us on the Mountain Top.

Feel free to pass this along or share the news with any one that has been a part of Youngest Son's 13 years. 

We wish all of you a Happy Passover or Happy Easter or a relaxing weekend!

We are excited to explore this new and progressive approach to Judaism with Adventure Rabbi. I will capture our thoughts as we go ...

Already it has been a new kind of experience. Last Friday afternoon, I submitted on online request to Adventure Rabbi to explore options for Youngest Son's Bar Mitzvah. Since then I have been on the phone with Rabbi Jamie Korngold (Adventure Rabbi founder) twice and exchanged 11 emails. One week later, we have a fully approved Bar Mitzvah plan with Rabbi Evon and I signed a contract for the June 11th service in South Lake Tahoe. Every decision and every discussion has been about meeting Youngest Son needs and making this important Jewish experience one that fits Youngest Son and our family. All this with Passover starting tomorrow!

Next Wednesday Youngest Son will schedule his 10 virtual sessions with Rabbi Evon. I will start working on logistics. And we will have this amazing opportunity to continue defining our Judiasm and learning about this synagogue without walls.

In that spirit, here is your invitation without envelopes, stamps or formal RSVPs. If you want to join, please do. Really.

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO - 1.5 minutes