Days 2-4: The Usual Mayhem and Mishaps

TexMex Road Trip 2015 continues ...

Day 2 – On Our Way …

Day 2 started at 5:22am in Stephenville, TX with eight of us loaded up in the Creepy White Van headed to Taos, New Mexico. We first had to address a fair seating arrangement. The five passengers under age 19 felt they should pick their individual seat; which would be great if they did not all call the same exact seat! The solution was a rotation schematic that triggered every two hours. While seemingly over-engineered, it actually worked beautifully.

We spent the next ten hours watching movies, playing games, sleeping and amusing ourselves with various Apple products. There were, of course, many variations of tweener/teenage road trip complaints including our refusal to allow X-box on the trip. The adults attempted to suppress the obvious “you ungrateful child” commentary but perhaps a comment or two slipped out.

Our two primary stops, other than the many bathroom stops, included Mexican food in Santa Rosa and grocery shopping in Taos. We arrived after dark in snowy Taos Ski Valley on December 22. Our two bedroom, two-bath condo exceeded expectations. It is tastefully decorated, has a well-equipped kitchen and comfortable beds. And even more importantly, we are right next to the slopes (ski in/ski out), has the biggest outdoor hot tub in Taos and a wood-burning fireplace!

Lunch in Santa Rosa and NO it was not the Best ...

Youngest Son picked this game out for Road Trip game and it turned out to be lots of fun. Although I think Commuter Family liked it better than Brother Family. We used to play Professor Noggin allot on our travels and this was similar.

Movies picked out by Youngest Niece and Nephew. Great Choices!

Day 3 – More than One Mishap For Sure …

Day 3 was our first ski day! Taos has the best base (over 50 inches) for December in years. Commuter Husband made us a hot breakfast. We were ready.

The first hour included:

• Commuter Husband getting the Creepy White Van stuck in snow and ice
• Me going to ski shop to get help with my ski boots
• Youngest Son’s snow board having a screw malfunction requiring him to go back to ski shop too
• The condo office worker telling us we had too many people in the condo
•  Nephew vomiting in the snow on the way to lift … oh no ...

Finally the seven of us (Commuter Husband does not ski) are all on Lift 1 headed up the mountain.

On the way down the Green Whitefeather run, Nephew continues to vomit every 5 minutes. Obviously, SOMETHING is wrong. Brother goes back to condo with Youngest Niece and Nephew. Oldest Son, Youngest Son, Oldest Niece and I decide to continue skiing. Brother takes Nephew to the emergency room where Nephew has elevated white blood count, severe stomach pains and a morphine drip.

The good news for the day was Brother and Nephew were home by dinnertime and the rest of us had a wonderful day skiing. And the evening was passed pleasantly with homemade chicken soup and hot chocolate along with raucous board game playing. We did end the day with Youngest Son vomiting but it appeared to only be the repercussion of a long, active day.

Getting our skis ... Brother assessing the length of his ...

LOVE this photo. That is Youngest Son.

Oldest Niece ready to take on the next slope ...

Day 4 – Full Ski Day and Christmas Eve

We started Christmas Eve day with six of us on the slopes. Nephew stayed in today to recuperate. The day was snowy and on the cooler side thus Youngest Son and Oldest Niece got cold quickly and stopped to warm up in a mountain restaurant. Brother skied with Youngest Niece.

Thus, Oldest Son and I spent most of the day together skiing. We stayed primarily on Blues with Oldest Son kindly waiting for his slower mother. Oldest Son would choose Black runs while I would take alternative routes.  I was thrilled that my 50 year old self could still “hang.”

We ended the afternoon in the hot tub. Chatting with teens is enlightening and frustrating and entertaining all at the same time!

Commuter Husband is the “Ski Housemother” – lucky for us! He has been washing clothes, cooking food and welcoming us as will filter in and out of the condo throughout the day. And he did not disappoint tonight with a spaghetti Christmas Eve dinner with fresh green beans and salad.

I smell the Christmas Eve cookies baking for Santa and stockings are hung …

View from lunch with Oldest Son. Happy Place.

Soup and hot chocolate with Oldest Son for lunch.

Christmas Eve Dinner!

Stockings are hung ... the Jewish Star facing left is Interfaith defined.

Day 1: #CreepyWhiteVan for TexMex Road Trip 2015!

#CreepyWhiteVan

I excitedly texted a picture of the 12 passenger van Commuter Husband and I had just picked up this morning. It went to our "TexMex Road Trip 2015" group. Youngest Niece (age 11) responds with #CreepyWhiteVan. Well ... yes ... it sort of is.

We drove #CreepyWhiteVan from Dallas to Stephenville for the first leg of our 10 day TexMex Road Trip. Since we will be gone on December 25th, we did Christmas this afternoon with Brother, Oldest Niece (age 14), Nephew (age 18), Youngest Niece and My Dad. We had a nice meal provided by Brother and opened presents.

This the first time we have celebrated Christmas with My Dad in 28 years give or take a few. I have learned in the last year that relationships are truly fluid. Sometimes it is too late and then sometimes it is not. We make choices throughout our life that are right for that moment in time. It is important to recognize that circumstances change and choices can change in the new moment. When all parties can make an effort then it is not so hard.

We struggled to find a gift for My Dad who is Papa to Oldest Son and Youngest Son. Youngest Son's giving nature made an appearance through his teen veneer. Youngest Son nixed a couple of our lame ideas (I honestly do not know My Dad that well) and came up with the gift we ultimately purchased for My Dad. In addition, Youngest Son took a signed baseball from his own collection, wrapped it and presented it to his Papa. Youngest Son has raided his own treasures since he was 6 years old to give as gifts to family. He wanted his Papa to have this special baseball. A simple gift showing uncomplicated love between grandchild and grandparent.

I was excited to present my gifts to the group:

T-Shirts for all! TexMex Road Trip 2015. The artwork is by Oldest Niece.

Nephew helps Oldest Niece with Holiday PJs for all! Bear Cheeks - ha!

Oldest Son long and lean in his Bear Cheeks!

Sweet Oldest Niece

And the night ends with 42 ...

We will be up at 4:30am for the route West ...
 

Tradition of the Expected & Unexpected

Our many lights! The 3 on left are Oldest Son's and the 4 on the right are Youngest Son's. The ones in the middle have various stories: Commuter's Husband's first Hanukkiah, 2 are gifts to me from boys, 1 is from Mexico art gallery bought in 2008 and the black one was a gift from my Brother's wife in 1996. Oldest Son was lighting the 2 electric Hanukkiah in window sill.

Commuter Husband and I are raising our kids under a set of circumstances:

• No Grandparents to shape how we do things:
• Both of Commuter's Husband's parents passed away long before the boys were born
• My mother died when I was a child and I have had little interaction with my father during my adult life
• Until this past Summer, my brother was in the Army thus we have traveled many times throughout the last 20 years to where he was based by the military to share family time and holidays
• Commuter Husband and I both converted to Judaism

The impact has been that we have 100% defined our own traditions. There is not one single tradition that we have carried forth from Commuter Husband's or my childhood; not one. We have consciously recognized this situation and I think about it with every holiday, every birthday and many other times when a tradition would be conjured up.

This scenario has created an interesting dynamic. While we have committed to maintaining traditions for our family, I am also open to adjusting as we go. It is obvious that Oldest Son and Youngest Son appreciate and want the familiar. This is part of what makes them feel safe and loved in a stable family environment. At the same time, the new adventure or a twist on the celebratory approach is also part of how we define ourselves as a family and the boys see this is a tradition as well.

Chanukah started yesterday. We did the comfortable and valued traditions:

• Arrange all our many Hannukiahs on a table in front of the window
• Put out a few decorations for the windows and our counters
• Set out the box of gelt available for the week
• Make matzo ball soup and pick up latkes from Cyndi's
• Read from the same book and recite the prayers as we light the candles
• Open the two gifts that have a dreidel for each son which has evolved into their dreidel collection
• And 1st night is always with just our family of four

Each year we try to open gifts on the 1st night and the 8th night (we decided many years ago that 8 nights of gifts was just too much.) Oldest Son and Youngest Son are 15 and 13, respectively. Thus, this year we had a slight adjustment. Commuter Husband and I surprised them with a shopping spree to pick out their gifts together. The shopping event created a shared family experience and memories especially with teens boys who are not really big shoppers. The stores we hit included Nike, North Face, Macy's, Barnes & Noble and Best Buy. Thus we covered sports, outdoor activities, clothes, books, games and electronics. We also saw the bustle and festive air of a mall at Christmas which the boys had never seen. We had lots of interactions: we laughed and new inside jokes formed (somehow the Nike windbreaker that cost $500 because it was the "5th level" cracked us up), the boys made decisions and sometimes we got impatient but mostly the boys had fun selecting their gifts and we had fun watching them.

For the next 7 nights, we typically share a few of the 8 nights with friends but the who, the what and the when varies every year. The combination of the expected and the unexpected that defines our Commuter Family is always present ... 

The shadows are awesome!

Latke Larry, a gift many years ago, watches over latkes from Cyndi's. He also sings funny songs!

We will add two more dreidels to this collection ...

Hero or Superhero?

Scene: Friday morning after Thanksgiving with my Brother, Oldest Son, Youngest Son, Yougest Niece, Oldest Niece and Commuter Husband who are lounging in our front room in PJs. Nephew and his Girlfriend have not emerged yet.

Topic: Is Batman a Hero or Superhero? 

Oldest Son confidently maintains that Batman is a Superhero and utilizes his deep knowledge of both DC and Marvel comics to support his position. Youngest Niece (age 11) impressively defends her statement that Batman is a Hero. The conversation is lively as ALL participants (kids and adults) express their heartfelt positions. The definitions of superhero, super power and hero are the crux of the debate. They reference many other Superheroes to substantiate their arguments and cite sources from comic books as well as movies. Ultimately, no one in this group of independent thinkers acquiesces!

I was supremely entertained listening to the family banter. Sometimes life is just this simple.

Husband Humor and Praticality

Commuter Husband pulled away from our home in his red Prius at approximately 3am this morning, give or take a few minutes. Commuter Husband does this most Mondays. He likes to be in his Houston office by 7am.

During the week, I have lots of space both in our comfortable queen bed and in the concrete double driveway. I admit that I do relish the freedom to take up whatever area I choose. However when Commuter Husband arrives back in Dallas after a four hour drive, he expects to regain full access to these zones.

Fortunate for me, Commuter Husband is the spouse who never moves at night allowing me to constantly traverse the bed as a restless sleeper; love this about him! The predicament is the driveway and the indisputable fact that I seem to forget every single week that I must share this asphalt with Commuter Husband where each of us is allocated exactly one half.

Weekly, Commuter Husband pulls into the alley and clicks the gate opener excited to be reunited with his family. He turns his small car into the driveway only to be confounded with a blue-grey Prius parked haphazardly across the middle leaving no room for his diminutive vehicle. Commuter Husband patiently reminds me over and over and over and I cannot seem to remember, ever.

Today, I arose to drink my coffee and take the first conference call of the day. I open the blinds to the backyard and nearly spit out my coffee with irrepressible laughter. My loving husband of twenty years has solved the problem:

A few soccer cones and Commuter Husband's parking spot is reserved for the week! We always tell the kids to focus on the solution and not the problem. Well Played Commuter Husband!

It Is Really Quite Simple

Less fortunate can mean many things such as

• Temporary set back due to loss of job or health 
• Lifelong struggles with mental illness
• Unable to function well after an unhappy childhood
• Being born the wrong gender or color or in the wrong place
• Caught in an abusive situation unable to escape
• Physical disability preventing work at decent wages
• Caring for special needs child or elderly person
• Addictions to substances or food
• Chronic illness that will never go away
• Not very smart and unable to make logical decisions
• Loss of family due to car accident, cancer, war, violence
• Kids in foster care tossed around from place to place
• Making one bad decision that impacts forever
• Living in a war zone
• Homeless for any of the above reasons

The less fortunate are women, children, men, families, sisters, brothers, cousins, mothers, fathers, elderly, veterans, refugees, etc. And yes some less fortunate are simply lazy and depend on others.

I admire people who work hard and are productive members of society. Currently I am one of these people. But I am not better or more deserving than those less fortunate. The list at the top could be me or it could be my child or it could be my neighbor or it could be my best friend's grandchild. I am okay with my tax dollars spent, my non-profit donations helping and my time allocated; for I am lucky because I am one of the fortunate ones.

It is not complicated. Do not judge. Help those in need. All human life is valuable. All humans deserve love.

We do not choose who to help. We choose to help all.

Suicide

Suicide seems unthinkable. But it is quite the opposite. Read the statistics above. Clearly many people think about it. These statistics only reflect those who have acted. It does not capture the torment of many that consider suicide and never act on it.

We tell the person "get help." Help usually means a therapist or a counselor. Someone you pay to help you with your emotional health. And I am a HUGE supporter of therapy - frankly everyone should have a trusted counselor on stand by. The 90% referenced above with a diagnosable psychiatric illness certainly needed professional help. I would propose that we as a society need to collectively help with embracing mental illness by showing compassion, empathy and kindness for the tortured person and for the family and friends walking life beside them. Mentally ill persons are talented and funny and thoughtful and flawed - just like those not suffering from mental illness. The mental ill are human beings with many dimensions on an infinite spectrum. We are all complicated. We all have our demons.


I also want to discuss another aspect suicide. Recently a man was senselessly murdered in Dallas. The wife he left behind committed suicide shortly thereafter. A column was then written in the Dallas Morning News describing her as selfish. I was angry reading this opinion and will not comment any further. Was she mentally ill? Or was she heart broken? Or some descriptor in between?

Our emotional well being does not fit into a simple state. The statistic (1) below references 8 million people who have had serious thoughts of suicide. And what about the people who think of suicide but are "not serious"? How many more millions would we add to that number? What word do we have for them?

And then the next scary statistic (2) below is that suicide rates are not going down. Personally I ask myself with so many drugs available to help people with their mental challenges, why are these numbers increasing? With so many trained professional available, how can this number get bigger?

I have way more questions and almost no answers. I think what happens inside our heads is not what appears on the outside - frequently - mentally ill or not. And I am stating that as a human condition. Right now I would like to reach for more understanding on every level of this topic. And I wonder out loud if we need sociologists to look into this situation just as much as psychiatrists.

(1)
"Also worth noting this week was the release of a study by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), based upon a survey of 46,190 American adults (18 and older). It found that 3.7 percent of the adult population had serious thoughts of suicide in the past year (or 8.3 million adults). Not surprisingly, the survey found that young adults (ages 18-25) have the most thoughts of suicide, made the most plans for suicide and to have attempted suicide, compared to older adults."
Reference 2006 - Click Here

(2)
"From 1986 to 2000, suicide rates in the U.S. dropped from 12.5 to 10.4 suicide deaths per 100,000 people in the population. Over the next 12 years, however, the rate generally increased and by 2013 stood at 12.6 deaths per 100,000"
Reference AFSP - Click Here

Testing Who We Are

I still like having the actual book.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
This book came recommended by several.

Modern societal norms encourages self-assessment. We are given opportunities to make sense of our personalities and our inner core. There are activities and quizzes at work, in school, on teams, from magazines and in books, just to name a few. Some of my favorites include Myers Briggs, Strength Finders, Love Languages and Stand Out. I profess a strong tendency towards the positive psychology movement. The hope is we will be more comfortable with who we are and by sharing this information, our relationships will benefit.

I admit to corralling Commuter Husband, Oldest Son and Youngest Son into many of these exercises in self-exploration. I may have dragged along a colleague or two as well as friends and other relatives.

Tonight, on page 13 of the Introduction in Quiet, there was a unsophisticated questionnaire with twenty statements requesting a true or false response. I called all four family members around the fire and we took it together.

Results:

• Commuter Husband - 18 True
• Oldest Son - 16 True
• Youngest Son - 6 True
• Me - 4 True 

And on page 14 is the statement "The more often you answered "true," the more introverted you probably are."

Commuter Husband and I are well aware of how introvert and extrovert are defined. Oldest Son was also quite knowledgeable of these characteristics which I attribute to a Wellness curriculum at his school and his  voracious reading tendencies. Youngest Son, age thirteen and in 7th grade, had no understanding of the two terms yet.

As a parent of teens, I want to have these conversations with my sons. While I certainly see the benefit of self-understanding, the real lesson I want them to learn is tolerance of those who are different. Obviously, Commuter Husband and Oldest Son will approach the world differently than Youngest Son and myself. How cool that we get this interplay of personalities?! BUT, I also know conflict surfaces among differing personality types. Turning that tension into a positive is completely doable but it takes conscious effort and sincere respect for how a glorious mix of personal qualities paints the world with way more colors ...

Commuter Husband was appalled that I wrote in the book! No surprise that we have different opinions  - ha!

Embracing My Introvert(s)

Tonight Oldest Son and I are finishing dinner and I am peppering him with suggestions for the weekend: 

Me nicely "How about you ....?"

Me trying again "What about you ...."

Me more persistently "You can ...."

Me reaching "I can invite ..."

Oldest Son responds with sly grin but completely serious "This is the problem with extroverted people."

I laugh and sincerely reply "You are so right."

Pause in the conversation ...

Me asking Oldest Son "How about we go to a movie this weekend?"

Lucky extroverted me gets to hang out with my favorite introvert. Love this kid who just so happens to be allot like my Commuter Husband - go figure.


Hmmmm .... LATE BREAKING UPDATE: Apparently when teen introverts get invited somewhere by a teen friend, they go. So Commuter Husband (the adult introvert) Date Night it is! Still Lucky Me.

Youngest Son, Mommy & History

13 year old Youngest Son is doing his homework:

ENCOUNTER #1

Youngest Son yells "Hey Mommy!"

Me as I walk to the dining room table and casually reply "Yes."

Youngest Son tells me "I am reading about this case about a man who kidnapped and raped ... and he plead the ah, ah, ..."

Me finishing his sentence "The Fifth."

Youngest Son says "Yeah ... well it went to the Supreme Court because his rights ... ah, ah, ..."

Me finishing his sentence "Miranda."

Youngest Son with incredulous sincerity "How did you know that?"

ENCOUNTER #2

Youngest Son yells again "Hey Mommy!"

Me replying as I walk from my office "Coming."

Youngest Son reveals "I am reading about the abortion ..."

Me prompting him "Roe versus Wade."

Youngest Son looks at me with big, wide eyes clearly surprised I know the name of the case.

Youngest Son adds wryly "Of course it is in Texas."

Me with a smirk as I head back to my office "Of Course."

ENCOUNTER #3

Youngest Son shouts at me across the house "Did you know that I will be able to vote my Senior Year?"

Me in response "I did know that."

Youngest Son shouts again "Did you know you cannot make me go to Religious School my Senior Year?"

Me in a surprised loud voice "I did NOT know that."

Youngest Son walking to my office telling me excitedly "It is my right in the Constitution - Freedom of Religion. Yes! I love the Constitution."

A good night with the History Book.