Boundaries

Gloomy weather gives us one more March day with fireplace ... so soothing to me ...

Back to Blogging ... The Scene: Fire crackling in new black granite fireplace, Oldest Son in Atlanta for 1st & 2nd Year National Debate Championships, Youngest Son & Commuter Husband in kitchen making Cauliflower "Polenta" with Mushrooms listening to 70s tunes discussing shallots and rosemary and Queen, Billy Joel and Journey songs and I am at my Apple writing ... 

I was driving home from Fort Worth after closing out my Granny's bank account; it was surreal and awful. I was reflecting on my relationship with Granny and my Sister-in-Law too. Death had ended my worldly relationships with them. Both of these women were troubled souls. Consequently, I had very defined boundaries with both that allowed me to interact with them at an acceptable level of turmoil. Boundaries are the chief tool in my survivor's mentality. My childhood was chaotic and unstable thus my survivor skills are fine tuned. My boundaries with Granny and my Sister-in-Law had existed for many years. And by many, I mean twenty plus years. How was that possible? How had so many years seeped by?

As I drove down that highway, I started to contemplate ALL my boundaries. I started a list. I was truly surprised as I realized just how many people for whom I had created my own personal rules of interaction. The next shocker was how long many of these boundaries had been in place.

The boundaries were necessary. I am not sorry I established any of them. Boundaries are healthy and appropriate for certain relational situations.

However, my epiphany is that not all boundaries require a lifetime application. The boundary I may have needed at age 30 is not the same when I am about to turn 50. People evolve. Circumstances change. Life is finite. I am now safe and loved unconditionally.

Methodically I started a risk analysis of each person and the associated boundary. I literally thought through each of the impacts of opening up myself and my family. Since that time I have made phone calls and opened doors. I still try to maintain a "expect nothing, appreciate what I get" guiding principle. Hey, I am not ready to abandon premises that have keep me emotionally stable (for the most part anyway.)

The results are positive ... so far. Reconnecting is good for me and great for Oldest Son and Youngest Son. Relationships are the most interesting and important part of living. They can change in an instant ...

The Teen Relationship is in full force with Youngest Son. APPRECIATE listening to Commuter Husband and Youngest Son spend the afternoon banter about cooking and music - their shared passions ...