Teen Days Are Here

I have sat with the blank screen in front of me for several minutes. I am not sure how to write about a topic in which I likely have nothing new to add: living with a teenager. Mothering teens is the same and different for all of us. It is a journey of giant highs and crushing lows and everything in between.

Of all my difficult journeys, this one may be the toughest thus far.

• I need more patience which is laughable. Patience is something I have never had much of and it seems to lessen as I age. 
• I like control - very much. Not sure whether to laugh or cry on this one because the battle for control is ON but the winning move is when I no longer need to be in control. This sentence may need to be read a few times to process.
• I like to think about problems and solutions in a linear fashion. Laugh Out Loud! Teenager and linear thinking do not belong in the same sentence.
• I am incredibly self-aware. However, that does not prevent me from making mistakes. It feels like an out of body experience. I see exactly what is happening and am often helpless to stop the motion.

This week has brought tremendous pride, mounting frustration, too many tears, genuine smiles, long-awaited break throughs, disappointing set backs, unwanted confusion, moments of clarity - notice a pattern of infinite fluctuations?

So today I am comforted by this quote:

"The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because shit worked out. They got that way because shit went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes."
- Elizabeth Gilbert 

Happy Teen Moment: Oldest Son turns 15 years old with our traditional breakfast in bed. Yes there is that awful syrup in which the males in my family keep bringing into the house! There is organic in the cabinet - I swear!

An Aria of a Different Kind

What I woke up to on Valentines ...

 Commuter Husband and I celebrate 20 years of marriage in 2015. This morning our affair of the heart took a turn ...

As I awoke from a good night's rest, Commuter Husband says with both exasperation and humor "You had a snoring aria last night!"

And I groan loudly because no girl wants to snore! It is so unbecoming. I, of course, have no clue that I snore because I obviously cannot tell while I am sleeping.

I did say with sincerity to my sleepless Commuter Husband "You can go sleep elsewhere in the house when that happens, it is okay."

Commuter Husband responds sweetly and with a smile "I am gone all week and I want to sleep with you on the weekends." (and we really mean sleep here - really)

That is the definition of romance in my book.

Still the One by Orleans (CLICK HERE)

My valentines card to Commuter Husband was one of those play the tune cards ... Still the One!

Boundaries

Gloomy weather gives us one more March day with fireplace ... so soothing to me ...

Back to Blogging ... The Scene: Fire crackling in new black granite fireplace, Oldest Son in Atlanta for 1st & 2nd Year National Debate Championships, Youngest Son & Commuter Husband in kitchen making Cauliflower "Polenta" with Mushrooms listening to 70s tunes discussing shallots and rosemary and Queen, Billy Joel and Journey songs and I am at my Apple writing ... 

I was driving home from Fort Worth after closing out my Granny's bank account; it was surreal and awful. I was reflecting on my relationship with Granny and my Sister-in-Law too. Death had ended my worldly relationships with them. Both of these women were troubled souls. Consequently, I had very defined boundaries with both that allowed me to interact with them at an acceptable level of turmoil. Boundaries are the chief tool in my survivor's mentality. My childhood was chaotic and unstable thus my survivor skills are fine tuned. My boundaries with Granny and my Sister-in-Law had existed for many years. And by many, I mean twenty plus years. How was that possible? How had so many years seeped by?

As I drove down that highway, I started to contemplate ALL my boundaries. I started a list. I was truly surprised as I realized just how many people for whom I had created my own personal rules of interaction. The next shocker was how long many of these boundaries had been in place.

The boundaries were necessary. I am not sorry I established any of them. Boundaries are healthy and appropriate for certain relational situations.

However, my epiphany is that not all boundaries require a lifetime application. The boundary I may have needed at age 30 is not the same when I am about to turn 50. People evolve. Circumstances change. Life is finite. I am now safe and loved unconditionally.

Methodically I started a risk analysis of each person and the associated boundary. I literally thought through each of the impacts of opening up myself and my family. Since that time I have made phone calls and opened doors. I still try to maintain a "expect nothing, appreciate what I get" guiding principle. Hey, I am not ready to abandon premises that have keep me emotionally stable (for the most part anyway.)

The results are positive ... so far. Reconnecting is good for me and great for Oldest Son and Youngest Son. Relationships are the most interesting and important part of living. They can change in an instant ...

The Teen Relationship is in full force with Youngest Son. APPRECIATE listening to Commuter Husband and Youngest Son spend the afternoon banter about cooking and music - their shared passions ...